Happy Birthday, Baby!

I looked at cards, but I just couldn’t be satisfied using someone else’s words to express my feelings. Seems we have had our challenges lately, especially when it comes to transportation. We don’t seem to be making a lot of headway when it comes to the material world. But that”s not what is most important. So what is?

Time Together

It is still fun to get away from everyone one evening a month to go out.  And I think our date nights will still be special when everyone has left the house, so we don’t have to leave the house to be alone. I’m looking forward to the possibility of being more creative with this time, when we don’t have to have baby sitters, or be back by a certain time.

I appreciate the fact that you are allowing me a little space to go back to school. And I am glad that my presence here makes it a little easier because we are not physically apart. I hope your patience doesn’t wear too thin as I pursue this dream.

Outside of these two extremes of what being together looks like, I look forward to the day to day time that we spend together, hopefully for years to come.

A Best Friend

I treasure our friendship. I don’t make a lot of friends, but I don’t feel that I need them. I know that you are there.  And I know that I have someone in my corner, who is pulling for me, who is there to support me in any way that I need. I think fondly about the times when we were getting to know each other. And I look forward to the many times that we can share laughs, our thoughts and dreams, even disappointments and sorrows, with each other.

Our Never Fading Love

I know I love you deeply and I know that you love me.  I guess that it is easy to take that for granted sometimes. But I find great joy and security in knowing that. And I also feel blessed that our love is still fired by passion. Happy Birthday, my love!

A New Book

Thanks for the new entry on Page One. I too feel that our relationship has strengthened as we have worked through our loss of Rory. I know that it is an opportune time for the enemy to get a foothold and tear a relationship apart. I hope we don’t have to face another loss of this kind for sometime.  But maybe we are a little more prepared if one does come our way.

I also commit to being diligent to stand against any other attempts of the enemy or the seasons of life to come between us. I know that I don’t always say the right thing, or do the right thing and there are times that I blow it as a husband. I hope that your grace doesn’t run out and my desire to be a better husband and father holds out against all challenges.

I know that it’s being a bit silly, or superstitious, but as I move out of the evil brown book, I pray that our challenges are lighter and our joys are multiplied. It would be nice to enter a new and better season as I begin my new book. Whatever comes, I look forward to sharing it with you.

Helping Me Turn the Page

I finished off my lunch today with one of the cupcakes you made. It is still very yummy.  It makes me think of you and how that you helped me celebrate the big 5-0.

It’s true that the whole party thing turned into a lot of work for me. Maybe if I saw it coming I would have dreaded it. But it turned out to be a real self-esteem builder. First, in that I accomplished some projects that were long overdue and improved the look of our yard. And secondly, in feeling that I’ve still got something left in the tank.

And the party itself was worth it. More people showed up than I expected. I think everyone had a good time. I really appreciate all the planning and effort that you put into it.

The relaxing day that we got to spend together on my birthday was also very special. It was a special reward for all the hard work of the previous days. And it was a god send that the kids had to go to school.

I don’t think I have been significantly impacted by this birthday day, mentally or emotionally. But I think we have been a little closer lately. And I feel like I appreciate more what I have, in you, and other family members.

In some ways I feel like I am turning a page. I feared that I would have a feeling that time is running out on me. But it doesn’t seem that way. In a way I feel that time has slowed down a bit.  Yes, there seems to be a busy season coming, but somehow I am finding peace and more appreciation of the down times that I do have.

Thanks for making this a special birthday and for the love that you pour out on me.

And We Danced!

Well, it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t as good as our beach trip last year. Or maybe I have forgotten any challenges or downsides to that trip.  Maybe just the fun stuff from that trip stuck in my memory. And if I could only remember the fun stuff from this past weekend’s trip would I want to forget the challenges. We can certainly laugh about them too.

There were quite a few distractions and events that came our way and tried to spoil our weekend. And putting them in perspective, they weren’t the worst things in the world. Our adventures with the bus trips were minimal delays. And even though I didn’t have everything planned out when we went into the city we at least got to explore a little bit. Our hotel stay was certainly pleasant enough. We had a lot of fun while we were there.

I believe we had a good plan when we went out for the evening. It was certainly close enough. And even though the music wasn’t always polished and sometimes far from it, it was entertaining. And the crowd was fun. I think we proved something on the dance floor, especially for “white” people, and one who is approaching his “senior” years.

The next day, the time at the hotel was fun. I think we squeezed a lot into that morning. And I think we had a great plan after we left; coffee, a light lunch, walking. Little did we know that we would be on the verge of being stranded. But even that turned out to be minor.

Despite the challenges our weekend couldn’t go too wrong.  We were together. We love each other. We still know how to have fun together. And we danced!

Viva Seis de Mayo!

“Had the French regrouped and attacked today, everyone would’ve been wasted and they would’ve won.”

Saw that tweet yesterday and thought it kinda funny. A funny way to think about it. If they hadn’t beat the French there would have been no Cinco de Mayo. And if I hadn’t got with you would I have been salivating over green chile, cerveza, and possibly a shot of J.C.?

Well, of course, I wouldn’t have your green chile. I would probably be stuck in the delusion that I had actually eaten good Mexican food at some restaurant in Hickory, NC. Not that it was all good in CO, but the chances were a heck of a lot better.

And I could have ended up drinking Michelob Ultra, but no way would I have learned about lime and salt on the rim. And God forbid that I would have somehow developed a taste for those nasty beer and lime concoctions they sell now.

And tequila. For some reason I had been afraid of tequila. I remember friends in college taking shots and talking about who was gonna eat the worm. But that certainly didn’t seem appealing. And I really don’t remember them having the sense to use lime and salt.

Wow. I can’t believe I would have missed out on your green chile, beer with salt and lime and J.C. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. You have brought me SO MUCH MORE.

I hope we enjoyed it! I don’t know yet…..cause I’m writing this on Thursday.

In Sickness…or IV’s Gone Wrong

I’m not sure I even thought about it until the nurse mentioned it. All my anxiousness was pointed toward the actual procedure itself. I am always a little afraid of the sedation and being in a state where I have no control. And I wonder if there are any unpleasant sensations or pain that I will feel during the procedure or afterwards. But I had no idea that the IV stick would be such an ordeal.

The nurse asked if I needed you to come back before she even began preparation for the stick. She talked about someone she had dealt with who had to have therapy before he could even come in for the IV. I knew I wasn’t quite that bad. I knew that I would probably be fine if I looked away and didn’t watch too closely. But it worried me a bit when she said that she he gotten everyone else that day on the first stick. And then said aloud that she probably jinxed herself. But I really knew I was in trouble when she started chanting, ‘Don’t blow. Don’t blow.’

After the second and most painful stick, and after the light-headed feeling and the nausea, I knew it was time to call the mama back. I’m not sure if it was because the nurse planted the seed, or if it was something that I would normally think of, but I knew that I needed you back there, whether or not you could do anything about the situation or not. I certainly didn’t expect you to shove the nurse out of the way and perform the stick yourself. But I know you are not afraid to give your opinion, especially when you see people being stupid.

Thanks for being there. I know that it was a minor crisis, but it helped a lot just having you in the room. And thanks for still loving me even though I’m such a wimp.

A Lingering Smile

It is  sometimes amazing and often overwhelming how much of a distraction comes from having a big family. There are endless cries of “Mommy!” or “Daddy”. There are requests for money, requests for computer time, requests to call friends or plan things to do with friends. The needs and wants are seemingly endless.

In contrast it is also nice when there are no kids in the house. I will have to say that I’m a bit envious that you get to experience that more than I do. But what is really special are the times that WE have the house to ourselves. I know that we joke about how this is a glimpse into our future as empty nester’s. Yes, it seems like a very distant future at this point. And there is a little worry that we will get bored with “just the two of us.” But I am really glad that we have experiences these glimpses.

It has been nice when the girls can have an overnight with their grown-up sissy and the older kids are busy with other things. And it has been very interesting and enjoyable that we have fallen into this pattern of an occasional ‘Kids off to School’, post-breakfast time together. I only wish that the work day was not calling to me so urgently. I hope you have enjoyed it despite the brevity. Of course, just because I can’t stay in proximity doesn’t mean that you are not still on my mind. And it is certainly fun taking with me the lingering smile that visits me during the day.

Unconditional Commitment

All is well. We are happy and we still like each other..a lot. We still like being together, especially at times like this morning. And I don’t have any doubts that we can always stay close as long as we don’t neglect each other and our relationship. I think we both are committed to that.

Recently I heard someone describe marriage as an ‘unconditional commitment’. It was in the context of two people who had placed so many conditions on their marriage and the possibility of a divorce that it seemed like they were holding back pieces of their lives because they didn’t want to become too entangled to survive a separation. I think we fairly easily moved into an attitude of everything is ‘ours’ , as opposed to ‘mine and yours’. I’m glad for that. And I hope you feel the same. But it also made me think of unconditional love.

I get a little smile thinking about those times when you ask me if I still love you, right after I find out you forgot to do something I asked. I know you are joking. But I also want you to trust that I will never stop loving you, unconditionally, even when we are not in this happy place, and even when we get older and life becomes challenging.

Speaking of commitments…I am determined to become a little more frequent with my posts here. I know I’m overdue. Although I’m sure this is not a condition for your love.

The Nearness of You

I’ll admit it. Sometimes I’m not so good at being near even when I’m in the same room. And there certainly are plenty of challenges when it come to being close and really being together. Kids, chores, work, the computer…the list goes on. Even as I write this someone yells for me from another room. I close the website and the laptop, in frustration, to go see what they want.

But even though there are many distractions to the time I am taking here to try to reflect on “us” and to express those reflections, I am happy with what we have as a couple and as a family. There are also joys that come from at least some of those distractions. And our relationship becomes richer because of those joys and sometimes because we have to fight off those distractions.

As this is not only Valentine’s Day, but also a Sunday, hopefully we can reserve some of the extra time for some “near” time. Let’s find time to not only be in the same room, but also in the same space; one in our thoughts and feelings. So let me get off of this blog, off of the computer so we can move on with our day of being near.

The Touch of Your Lips

The touch of your lips
The love in your eyes
The touch of your lips
On mine..

Words from a song on my new Tony Bennett\Bill Evans CD.  It was actually my second reminder. I had written something in my journal and I ran across it today, even before I heard this song.

It was the morning after your birthday, the day after the big snow fall, the day after we went out to dinner despite the weather.  Sometimes I forget how good it can be just to kiss. We did more than just kiss that morning, but it began with kisses.

It’s too bad that sometimes sore throats and other distractions get in the way of our kisses. But I think it’s good to sometimes be surprised, like on that morning, that your lips against my lips feel so good.