Unconditional Commitment

All is well. We are happy and we still like each other..a lot. We still like being together, especially at times like this morning. And I don’t have any doubts that we can always stay close as long as we don’t neglect each other and our relationship. I think we both are committed to that.

Recently I heard someone describe marriage as an ‘unconditional commitment’. It was in the context of two people who had placed so many conditions on their marriage and the possibility of a divorce that it seemed like they were holding back pieces of their lives because they didn’t want to become too entangled to survive a separation. I think we fairly easily moved into an attitude of everything is ‘ours’ , as opposed to ‘mine and yours’. I’m glad for that. And I hope you feel the same. But it also made me think of unconditional love.

I get a little smile thinking about those times when you ask me if I still love you, right after I find out you forgot to do something I asked. I know you are joking. But I also want you to trust that I will never stop loving you, unconditionally, even when we are not in this happy place, and even when we get older and life becomes challenging.

Speaking of commitments…I am determined to become a little more frequent with my posts here. I know I’m overdue. Although I’m sure this is not a condition for your love.

The Nearness of You

I’ll admit it. Sometimes I’m not so good at being near even when I’m in the same room. And there certainly are plenty of challenges when it come to being close and really being together. Kids, chores, work, the computer…the list goes on. Even as I write this someone yells for me from another room. I close the website and the laptop, in frustration, to go see what they want.

But even though there are many distractions to the time I am taking here to try to reflect on “us” and to express those reflections, I am happy with what we have as a couple and as a family. There are also joys that come from at least some of those distractions. And our relationship becomes richer because of those joys and sometimes because we have to fight off those distractions.

As this is not only Valentine’s Day, but also a Sunday, hopefully we can reserve some of the extra time for some “near” time. Let’s find time to not only be in the same room, but also in the same space; one in our thoughts and feelings. So let me get off of this blog, off of the computer so we can move on with our day of being near.

The Touch of Your Lips

The touch of your lips
The love in your eyes
The touch of your lips
On mine..

Words from a song on my new Tony Bennett\Bill Evans CD.  It was actually my second reminder. I had written something in my journal and I ran across it today, even before I heard this song.

It was the morning after your birthday, the day after the big snow fall, the day after we went out to dinner despite the weather.  Sometimes I forget how good it can be just to kiss. We did more than just kiss that morning, but it began with kisses.

It’s too bad that sometimes sore throats and other distractions get in the way of our kisses. But I think it’s good to sometimes be surprised, like on that morning, that your lips against my lips feel so good.

We are lucky…

To have such chemistry. To be separated by only a rare business trip. To have found each other.

You said it this morning. And this morning was one of those times where not only the love-making was special, but also the closeness. You know that I find it harder to just be together. To be in the same place with you, and not be doing something else, or thinking about doing something else. But this morning, until the phone rang I was in that special bubble.  The bubble where only our two bodies are what matters.  The warmth we feel from each other. The softness we feel against each other. The contentment that comes from all loneliness being erased.

It was brief, but it reminds me how lucky we are. How lucky…how fortunate….how blessed I am to have you.

Puzzles

Sometimes it’s annoying, but more and more I find the value in it. And I respect it.

You got puzzles for Christmas. And I can see that it’s an activity that has captured your focus. I have no complaints. Although it’s not really my thing I can see that others are enjoying it with you.

When you focus on something, you really focus on it. I think it served us well in preparation for this Christmas. Although I was feeling kind of detached from determining gifts for others and shopping, you put a lot of time and energy into. And I’m so thankful for that.

No we didn’t get Christmas cards out this year, and it bothered me for about a New York minute. But our family had a really nice Christmas because of your focus. And you came up with really nice gifts for extended family because of your obsession, your focus. Thanks for being the focused one in our relationship!

Happy Birthday, Mi Amor!

I wonder what I was doing on that day. Was I out of school yet? I’m sure I was excited about what was coming in what was now less than seven days? Did I know what presents I would get that day? I wasn’t the kind of kid to peek or spoil the surprise, so maybe not.  Or was that the year that I did peak? And was so disappointed, not at what I was going to get. But that I had somehow let my parents down.

What I couldn’t peak at, was what was ahead in my future, and what significant thing was happening that day that would impact my future. For on that day, God was finishing a new creation. On that day, thousands of miles away, my future bride was beginning her life. Little did I know that on that day God put a plan in motion, that would bring us together. A plan that would create a beautiful and long-lasting relationship. A plan that would produce a beautiful family that continues to grow. Thank you, God, for the best surprise of all. It’s my hope and prayer that this can be a special birthday for a special and wonderful woman.

Missing You

This week has certainly been a different kind of week. Through our various comings and goings we have been apart quite a bit. I am looking forward to being together this weekend despite the fact that we may be busy some of the time.

The Hospice service that I experienced last night also makes me look at our time together a little differently. I find most of the service to be scripted and ritualistic, but one thing makes the service worth doing and worth attending. The most meaningful and emotional part of the service is the time they take to go around lighting candles and stating whose memory they are lighting their candle for.  In other words, who they are missing.

I guess I have felt their loss, even though it doesn’t nearly rise back to the surface when I see the expressions of their pain. What I do feel is fear. Fear that one day that will be me or you lighting that candle in memory of the other. I believe it’s a natural part of life, dealing with dying.

But before this blog gets too dark let me say that the up side of this is the realization that we should and can choose to live each moment more fully. To live each moment without fear for what might be.  To live each moment with kindness and openness to those around us. To live each moment as it were the only moment.

You are probably thinking that I am lousy at doing these things and I agree. This is not the way I am, but the way that hope to be. And in becoming more like that I pray that it draws us and our family closer and that we can draw the life out of each moment that we are together.